1 
Jakob sat at his desk, the desk that had many reports for him to go through, stacks and stacks to be precise, and tried to focus. He failed utterly. He could not blame his working environment. As a brigadier general in the Finnish Army, he had very nice accommodations. His plush leather chair was comfortable, the wooden desk the perfect height for his long legs, an up to date computer set up with dual monitors. The corner office had a nice view of the Helsinki coastline spread out below, and it was nice and quiet, the way he preferred in order to work on tedious paperwork.

He didn’t need to ask himself in depth why he couldn’t concentrate. He knew very well the cause.

Last year, Finland had openly accepted all sexual orientations, legalizing same-sex marriages and inputting LGBTQA discrimination laws into the judicial system. Jakob had about thrown a party, he’d been so excited. Finally, after seventeen years of being in the Army, he could act without jeopardizing his career. Well, theoretically he could. Jakob wasn’t naïve enough to believe that just because the law was there, that people’s opinions had changed too. Still, if something happened, he had the law to now protect him. He could act.

His elation was short lived. At the ripe old age of thirty-five, he had never been on a date. He’d only been kissed once, and not by a man. While he was sure of his sexuality, he had no experience, and honestly no clue how to go about dating another man. Were the rules different? Where did gay men even go to meet other gay men? He really had no idea. He might have the freedom to chase after his happiness, but without the experience and knowledge to go with it, he felt handicapped and terribly afraid he’d just make a fool out of himself.

Dammit, this was so much harder to figure out as an adult versus as a teenager. People expected teenagers to fumble and make mistakes. They didn’t expect it out of a mature man. Because of the last war, Jakob was more recognizable than most generals in a country, too, as the reporters had adored having a young face to plaster all over the papers. If he mis-stepped, he had no doubt it would be all over the tabloids the next morning, if not sooner.

Knowing this, he’d tried hiring a dating coach. Then a second dating coach. Then a third. The last session with the third dating coach had only hammered it in: This was the wrong method. He couldn’t openly tell the coaches: “I’m gay, teach me how to approach another man.” He didn’t trust their discretion to keep that fact to themselves, and he wasn’t ready to come completely out yet. But because he couldn’t be honest with them, they only wanted to teach him how to approach a woman, which wasn’t the information he needed. How much of those techniques could he use with a man? Any of them?

Sighing, he slumped over his desk, head on his folded arms, and breathed. Damn, damn, damn. This wouldn’t work. He either had to come completely out, and face the consequences of that, and then try to date or find a different tactic altogether.

A knock on his door heralded the entrance of his colonel, Gar Linna, looking as upbeat as usual. The man’s energy levels were legendary in the army, as the only time they’d actually seen him tired was after a two day march past the front lines while herding five thousand refugees. He took one look at his half-collapsed superior, blue eyes sharpening, generous mouth pursed in a thoughtful manner. “No luck last night?”

“Does bad luck count?” Jakob sat back up, running a hand roughshod through his pale hair, not caring if it upset it and made him look ridiculous. Gar was one of the few on his staff that was not just a subordinate officer, but a personal friend. They’d been together off and on since the academy, and Jakob had made sure to request him once he’d been promoted.

Since Gar was also one of the two people that knew his orientation, he knew very well what was going on and knew exactly what to ask. “Let me guess. She only wanted to focus on how to approach women.”

“I think she actually wanted to be the woman I approached,” Jakob said dryly.

“Ouch. Double whammy.” Gar came around with the files still in one hand, leaning a hip against the desk so he could speak in a lower tone. “Sir. With all due respect—”

“It always scares me when you start a sentence that way,” Jakob informed him, half-joking but half-serious.

“—I think you need to take a different approach.”

“Yes, Gar, I realize that. I just don’t know what other tactic to try.” Grimacing, he tacked on, “Short of coming out, I should say. And I’m not sure if I’m ready to do that just yet.”

“Understandable, and I think I have an idea that might work.” Gar leaned in a little closer, lowering his tone even further. “There is, in fact, a whole group of men in Finland that know precisely how to approach another man. And you, sir, know someone that can introduce you to those men.”

For a moment, Jakob had no idea what his friend was talking about. Men that knew how to approach other men? A person that could introduce him? What could he possibly be…then it hit him and his jaw dropped before he spluttered, “Wait. You mean escorts?”

“Yes.”

Just as well he was sitting down, otherwise he’d have dropped to the floor by now. “You want me to hire a prostitute.”

“Mäkinen is an acquaintance of yours, isn’t he?” Gar continued, tenor voice deeper than usual as he spoke seriously. “He’d know how to discreetly introduce you to an escort.”

Aatos Mäkinen was known throughout high society circles. He was one of those people that everyone knew, and politely pretended they didn’t know his true business, while using his services discreetly. Jakob had met the man several times at different functions, true enough, but he’d barely said hello in passing. Prostitution itself wasn’t illegal in Finland but organized brothels were and it hadn’t seemed advisable to really stay in the man’s orbit. He’d had no reason to, either.

Until, apparently, now. Or at least Gar seemed to think so.

Jakob was all set to object to this idea, as it was patently absurd, he wasn’t the type of man that could pay for sex. That struck him as wrong on so many levels, he wasn’t even going to contemplate it. And yet…the strategic mind that had made him a brigadier general at thirty-five years old took Gar’s advice and dissected it. Who would know how to discreetly and effectively flirt with a man to get his attention? An escort. Who would know the best spots to go looking for a date? An escort. Who would know the best places to avoid trouble? An escort.

Damn. Gar just might have a point.

Well able to read him after all these years, Gar grinned at him slyly. “See? It’s a good idea, right?”

Rubbing at his jaw with a palm, Jakob admitted slowly, “You might have a point. And Mäkinen is one of the most discreet people I know. He certainly wouldn’t spill the beans.”

“I know how you feel about paying for sex, but you’re not actually hiring an escort for that. You’re just picking the man’s brain and getting his advice. No harm in meeting up somewhere for an amiable chat, right?”

“You’re right,” Jakob agreed. Turning in his chair, he let the idea ruminate in his brain a little longer. He really didn’t see a downside to this. And even if it didn’t work out, if nothing else, he could give some lucky escort a night off. “Alright, I’ll call him. Assuming I can find his—”

Already anticipating this, Gar pulled out a business card from his pocket and handed it over, thick brows arched in amusement.

“Contact information,” Jakob finished wryly. Taking the card, he read it without any surprise. “Gar. Just for my curiosity. How long have you been planning this?”

“Since the disastrous second dating coach?”

Snorting a laugh, Jakob decided to take the help in the spirit that it was meant. “If this works, I’m buying you dinner at any restaurant of your choice.”

Gar pulled a fist towards his hip in a gesture of victory. “I’ll look for something obscenely expensive. Also, these files are for you to review and sign off on. Mostly requests for leave, one medical retirement.”

Jakob didn’t have to deal with many of those, but those that worked directly for him or anyone of a certain high rank needed a superior officer to sign off on such matters, and he took the folder with a nod of understanding. “I’ll get through them today.”

“After you call Mäkinen and set an appointment.”

Making a face, Jakob capitulated. “Yes, yes, after that. You realize that if this goes pear shaped, I’m blaming you.”

“If it goes well, I’ll take all the credit, too,” Gar informed him cheerfully. “But sir, I want you to understand something. When you come out, I don’t think it’s going to be the disaster you expect it to. In fact, I think a lot of people will be really happy about it.”

Jakob didn’t know what to make of this optimistic viewpoint. He’d risen through the ranks of the military by keeping his head down and his orientation to himself. He’d not even told Gar. The man had just figured it out after a decade of serving with him. After seeing what happened to men deemed ‘effeminate’ by officers, he’d not wanted to expose himself to the same harsh bigotry. Now, as a general, he stopped such behavior whenever he could, protecting those in the ranks. But just because he was a general didn’t mean he’d be accepted. And he had no idea what it would do to his career if those in leadership positions around him couldn’t accept it.

Seeing his doubt, Gar pointed out, “The Tandiiran people adore you, sir. And they’re very open about any sexuality.”

“Ah. That’s what you meant.” During the last war, when Russia tried to invade Tandiir, it was Finland that came to their neighbor’s rescue. Finland had always been on good terms with Tandiir, and knowing they didn’t have the manpower to defend themselves against the overpowering force of Russia, hadn’t ignored the plea for help. Part of the reason why he’d risen so quickly through the ranks was because of that war.

Jakob personally led several rescues to pull refugees out of the line of fire, and because of that, he’d met many of the Tandiiran people. They were friendly, passionate, and warm and they’d embraced him into their fold like he’d been born to the country. Jakob visited the Tandiiran Quarter in Helsinki at least once a week to eat there and just bask in the culture.

Gar wasn’t done. “Every time I go into the Tandiiran Quarter, they recognize me and ask about you. About why you’re still single, and can they introduce a nice girl or boy to you, because it’s not good for a man like you to be alone. They really don’t care which sexuality you are.”

Waving this aside, Jakob assured him, “It’s not them I’m worried about. I do believe I could commit murder and everyone in that country would absolve me of it. It’s my own countrymen that won’t accept me.”

“I’m just saying. If it gets to be too much, you can retire and immigrate to Tandiir. They’ll take you with open arms.”

Wistfully, he said, “That does sound like paradise.”

“See? You have options. First, try mine.” Gar pointed to the business card still in his hand. “Call.”

“You’re very bossy for a subordinate officer,” Jakob complained, but obediently picked up the landline phone on his desk, only to immediately think better of it. That would have been bad, to make that call through a system that automatically recorded all calls. He pulled out his cell instead, only to pause again. “Don’t I need a discreet way for the escort to reach me?”

“Create a private email account,” Gar advised, lifting himself free of the desk.

Suspicious, Jakob watched him walk away. “Why are you so comfortable with the ins and outs on this?”

Gar cast him a wink but no answer as he skipped out of the office, closing the door solidly behind him.

Still suspicious, Jakob tapped in the phone number, only to pause. Was he really doing this? Just because Gar said it was a good option? Despite how he felt about coming out right now, Jakob didn’t actually like this route any better than the idea of hiring yet another dating coach he’d be forced to lie to. Gar’s logic was sound, no doubt, but didn’t this tread on the side of being absurd?

Retiring to Tandiir was looking better every minute.
 
 
In the end, desperation sent him to the appointment he’d made for the next afternoon. He’d not been able to think of a better option, and he was so very, very tired of being alone. His morals still demurred at doing this, but he promised himself he’d stay above board. He just needed someone to show him the ropes, and he’d pay for the man’s time. It was fine. It was all fine.

Repeating that like a mantra, he went to Mäkinen’s office in the back of the sauna, escorted there by an employee in white scrubs. The hallway in the back of the brick building was deserted, lit with mellow lighting that gleamed off the dark paneling, which no doubt was meant to be soothing. Jakob rather felt like he was walking through a cave with an uncertain destination at the end. With a nod and smile, the employee left him at the door, returning with soft steps back to the front of the building.

Jakob stopped at the door, hand raised to knock, and abruptly froze. Doubts and worries swarmed over him, paralyzing him in place, a cold sensation sweeping along his nerves hard enough to steal his breath. Damn, why was this more alarming than going to war? He’d much rather have people shooting at him right now.

But as terrifying as this moment was, he knew he had to push through it. He was a thirty-five year old virgin, for crying out loud, it was insane for him to continue like this. If he had any prayer of finding lasting happiness, it meant movement. He could not stay as he was. Even if this method wasn’t exactly ethical, he needed some sort of help. And he swore to himself that he wouldn’t take undue advantage of the situation.

With another breath—too shaky, showing nerves—he forced himself to knock on the door.

“Enter!” a voice called from within.

Another deep breath for courage, then Jakob forced himself to turn the doorknob and walk inside.

Aatos Mäkinen ran the most discreet escort company in all of Finland, illegal though it was. Technically it was a sauna with massage services, as he would be shortly run out of business if he was open about his true occupation, but Jakob wasn’t about to bust the man’s jaw for this. Not when he needed said services.
Mäkinen was a little short, a little round, although impeccably dressed in a three-piece suit and large, clear rimmed glasses perched on his upturned nose. He looked the part of a businessman, which he was, although something about his perpetually ruddy cheeks reminded Jakob of Santa Claus. As Jakob stepped through, Mäkinen automatically rose from behind his laptop, a professional smile on his face that fell away abruptly when he realized just who was in his nicely appointed office. “General Vanlandingham? You honor me, sir.”

He’d made the appointment without sharing his last name, so Mäkinen’s surprise was expected, although he didn’t expect the man to recognize him out of uniform. His pressed white dress shirt and dark slacks were as anonymous as his wardrobe could get. Then again, Mäkinen likely thrived in the industry because he was good at faces. Shaking his head, Jakob stepped forward with a hand outstretched in greeting. This, at least, he knew how to do. “Not at all, Mr. Mäkinen. I’m here for…well. The obvious, but I need something in particular from you.”

He and Mäkinen had run into each other at several functions, so they knew each other, if not well. His blue eyes narrowed, expression shrewd as he gestured Jakob into a leather armchair in front of the desk. “Indeed? I’m surprised a man of your reputation and good looks needs anything from me.”

Jakob took the statement as empty flattery and shrugged as he sank into the chair with a soft whoosh of displaced air. “Thank you, but its partially because of my reputation that I need some help. Mr. Mäkinen, this goes without saying, but I need absolute discretion in regards to this request.”

“Of course,” Mäkinen agreed immediately, sitting as well. “Please, speak freely. I’ll help if I can.”

Taking in a deep breath for his nerves, Jakob absently wished for a shot of whisky. He needed it. He’d rehearsed what to say on the way here but the words jangled and tumbled in his head, and he had to sort them out before he could even try to speak. “Sir. The recent change in laws to allow same-sex partnerships and discrimination protection has given me considerable leeway in my personal life.”

Mäkinen’s eyebrows got lost in his hairline. “Indeed?”

Yes, no one expected the brigadier general of Finland to be gay, did they? Jakob squashed the grim smile that threatened to take over his face. “Yes, well, it gives me the freedom to act, but…I find myself in a predicament. I have the freedom, but not the experience. Frankly, I don’t even know where to begin. Your reputation of discretion drew me to you, but I don’t know if you have the…services I need. Can any of your escorts teach me how to approach another man?”
There was a great deal of sympathy in Mäkinen’s expression as he sat back, hands clasped on the desk. “Surely I’m not the best person to approach with this matter? A dating coach, perhaps?”

Shaking his head, Jakob focused on the far wall, as it was easier to talk to the dark wood paneling than the other man. “I’ve tried that. It was a resounding failure. And I couldn’t rely on their discretion like I can with you, so I couldn’t be frank with them, which just made the situation worse. I’m not naïve enough to think that the discrimination laws will protect my career.”

“Yes, I see.” Mäkinen paused and thought hard, thumbs twirling slowly around each other. “I have no one in house that I think is appropriate for you, to be frank, but there is a man I know that I think would be excellent for this. He’s fully discreet as well, just not a direct employee of mine.”

Jakob nodded understanding, as most escorts in Finland were not actually part of a business, but freelancers.

“If you’ll give me a day to speak with him, and perhaps make arrangements?” Mäkinen paused to see if this was satisfactory.

Unable to believe this had gone so well, Jakob smiled in relief. “Yes, of course, I didn’t expect an immediate answer. Mine’s a rather unusual request.”

“Excellent. How do you prefer that I reach out to you?”

Jakob had created a particular email for this business, just in case, and he handed over a paper with that email address written on it. Mäkinen took it without comment, no doubt used to such arrangements, and gave him another smile that bordered on being professional. “Thank you. I’ll have an answer for you by tomorrow.”

“Thank you very much, Mr. Mäkinen.” Standing, Jakob shook his hand again and left, his stomach still a knot of nerves. Still, he had gotten through the worst of it, and he could only hope that from here on out, this would get easier.

 
2 
 
“Wait,” Tamjir pleaded, hands held up in a staying motion. “Who came to you for help? I’m certain I heard you wrong.”

“You didn’t,” Mäkinen assured him, still looking bug eyed and a little wild. “General Jakob Vanlandingham. Not an hour ago. I came straight to find you.”

“That’s the part where you lost me,” Tamjir admitted, leaning back against the edge of his desk. He’d been between patients when Mäkinen had basically barged in. Tamjir suspected an emergency—Mäkinen basically didn’t come to his clinic for any other reason—but not this. “And you’re not supposed to tell me who your clients are.”

“I’m telling you this under doctor-patient confidentiality,” Mäkinen informed him stiffly.

Rolling his eyes, Tamjir informed him, “You are treading a very thin line right now, but fine, I’ll hear you out and keep this confidential. Why are you talking to me about this?”

“Two reasons. First, I can trust that if nothing else, you’ll keep his secret. You told me yourself that General Vanlandingham helped save your life, and I know how you Tandiirans feel about the man.”

Tamjir really couldn’t fault that. When his home country had been invaded by Russia, it was Finland that had come to their rescue. Partially because they shared borders, partially because they knew that no one else would, and Tandiir had always been good neighbors. Finland was brutal in its retaliation, shoving Russia properly back in its own borders, but it had come at a cost. Tandiir still, after seven years, had many places that were war-torn and it would take a great deal of money and manpower to set them back to rights again. Tens of thousands of refugees had spilled over the border and into Finland during the war. Most of them wouldn’t have made it, except for the actions of one man: General Jakob Vanlandingham. Against all orders and threats, he’d kept the border open and personally escorted more than five thousand Tandiirans safely across into Finland before returning promptly to the battlefield and routing the Russians once and for all.

More than a war hero to his people, Tamjir knew the man personally. He’d served as a translator for him several times during that hectic march across the border, helped as a medic to his men, and so on. It’d been only two weeks, and even that seven years ago, so the General probably didn’t remember the skinny nineteen-year-old Tamjir had been at the time. But Tamjir could never forget him. Tall and muscular, piercing grey eyes, and the solid looks of his countrymen, the general had looked like the poster boy for a recruitment advertisement. Tamjir had an unreasonable crush on him for years. One he’d never fully gotten past, to be honest.

If this man needed help, Tamjir would do his best to give it to him, to repay that debt. Which Mäkinen clearly realized.

Rubbing at his jaw, Tamjir regarded Mäkinen steadily. “Alright. I can’t imagine that very proper man going to an escort for sex. What did he want?”

“Help.” Mäkinen paused to phrase the words carefully. “He told me that with the recent passage of laws regarding same-sex marriage, he finally had the freedom to act.”

Tamjir blinked at him, quite sure that this time his ears really had failed him. “Wait. I think I suddenly forgot how to speak Finnish. Say that again?”

“Your Finnish is impeccable and you heard me right. Our esteemed general is gay.”

Blinking at him, Tamjir was overcome by one giddy, insane thought: Oh if only his nineteen year old self had known this. He totally would have made a play for the man. “Ooookay. He’s gay. And? I doubt he went to you just to confess this.”

Mäkinen dipped his chin, agreeing. “And he’s suddenly found himself unsure on how to proceed. He’s never had the ability to flirt before, or even express interest in a man, not until now. It would have destroyed his career if he had, but with the change in laws, he’s now protected from discrimination. Still, he’s not sure how to go about engaging with men in that way. He wants someone to show him.”

“Surely a dating coach would be…” Tamjir trailed off as Mäkinen shook his head. “I take it you tried that?”

“So has he. He said it was a complete failure. Look, Tamjir, he came to me because while he has the freedom to move, he’s not a fool. He knows very well that people will give him hell if they figure this out, and he wants to at least get his feet under him and figure out the basics of dating a man before he has to deal with the fallout. That’s my take on it, anyway. He needs someone to discreetly show him the ropes.”

That made a great deal of sense, but still, Tamjir’s heart nearly broke for the man. To be in your mid-thirties and never even had a chance to flirt with someone…it was just too sad. “Alright. I now understand the gist of the problem. Why did you come to me?”

Mäkinen looked slightly abashed, his ruddy face redder than usual. “I don’t really have the right personnel for this. We both agree, the general needs a dating coach, not an escort. My boys will take one look at the man and lick him like a popsicle. I don’t really know who to ask, either. Tamjir, who do you know that can discreetly fill this role?”

The edge of his glass desk was biting through the seat of his pants, but Tamjir didn’t move. Suspicions whirled through his brain, and something about Mäkinen’s hopeful look only solidified them. “That’s not what you’re really asking me. You want me to do it, don’t you?”

Mäkinen smiled at him hopefully.

“Oh hell.” Abandoning his perch, Tamjir sank into the other office chair, blindly staring at his sunny yellow walls. The clinic had once been a children’s clinic, and it still had the primary colors on the walls, ones that Tamjir hadn’t gotten around to re-painting. He had every intention of doing so the first year he’d moved in, but, well, life had happened. Maybe before the third year was over, he’d manage to get it done.

And he really was escaping from reality if he were thinking of painting his office again. “Mäkinen, all of your reasons aside, why me?”

“You’re handsome, charming, and hold the man in high esteem,” Mäkinen answered truthfully. “Because you’re a doctor, and gay, you know how to approach this better than anyone else. Tamjir, honestly, would you rather someone else help him?”

No. Hell no, even. All of this was unorthodox in the extreme, granted, but Mäkinen wasn’t asking him to have sex with Vanlandingham. He was asking him to help a very good man figure out how to approach other men and safely date them. That was, in fact, right within Tamjir’s skillset. Not that he really dated all that much, not since establishing his clinic, but still. He knew enough to help coach someone else.

Was he seriously considering pretending to be an escort to help out his country’s savior? Tamjir had once roleplayed with a previous boyfriend that he was an escort, and he’d rather enjoyed it. This wouldn’t be much different, would it? And it’s not like he was doing anything illegal, even, as being a prostitute in Finland was perfectly legal. Not that an exchange of sex would be involved…was he thinking in circles? It certainly felt like it.

He looked at Mäkinen, still sitting there with his hopeful face on, and thought about the consequences if he said no. Mäkinen frankly admitted he didn’t know who else to trust with this. For that matter, despite the fact that he regularly treated escorts, Tamjir didn’t know who to trust with this. Mäkinen was quite correct that any man asked to meet with Jakob Vanlandingham could not be trusted to actually stick with the agenda. Odds were they’d overwhelm the man and send the general scurrying back for cover. This required delicacy.

“I’m crazy,” Tamjir concluded aloud with a sigh.

“Oh good, you do agree.” Mäkinen beamed at him in delight. “He’s got an email set up to communicate with. Here.”

Tamjir took the slip of paper with its handwritten email address on it with a sort of mixed emotional response, part anticipation, part misgiving. This could go wrong in so many ways. “Mäkinen, I know it’s something of a long shot, but what if he remembers me?”

“You were nineteen, a scrawny kid, and you don’t look anything like you do now,” Mäkinen answered forthrightly. “And you were with him sporadically for two weeks seven years ago. You really think he’ll remember you?”

Not able to argue, Tamjir shrugged. “No, likely not. And even if he does, I suppose there won’t be any harm. Alright, I’ll email him. Whatever he pays you, just funnel it toward medical costs for your people, alright?”

“Sure.” Mäkinen gave him a smile before pulling his wide brimmed hat on his head. “And don’t stress. He’s still a nice, polite young man.”

Tamjir eyed him wearily. “Easy for you to say.”

Mäkinen left the office with a jaunty salute and Tamjir thought about cursing him, but in truth, he was rather grateful that Mäkinen thought enough of him, and General Vanlandingham, to go outside the box on this one.

The first time with another man, even if it was as chaste as a cuddle on the couch, should not be with hired companionship. It should be with someone that at least held you in some affection. Tamjir was very firm on this point.

First, he’d look up possible hotels that they could rent a room in, as this meeting needed to be on neutral ground. Then he’d email the general and get his take on where and when. And then…well, and then he got the unenviable task of figuring how to put a man that was likely nervous at ease and teach him the fundamentals of how to date at the same time.

 +
 
For the second time in three days, Jakob found himself outside a door and hovering, not sure if he had the actual courage to go through it. He sometimes missed the times when he was being shot at. Life was easier then.

The hotel door was in a classier area of town, and he hadn’t been the one to order the room, so he knew it was safe to go in. No one would begin to suspect him for being here, or trace a hotel room back to him. Mäkinen swore that the young man he’d arranged for Jakob was also discretion itself and eager to meet him. He wasn’t sure how to take that last part. Jakob wasn’t exactly infamous in Finland—there was only five generals and he was the youngest by far—so people knew of him, certainly. But why would this man be eager to meet him?

Shaking the thought off, Jakob took in another steady breath. He’d carefully worn something non-military tonight. A cashmere white sweater, dark wash jeans, polished brown half-boots to complete the look. He’d let his hair grow a little longer on top, and it was combed back and in place with perhaps too much gel. Even though he knew this wasn’t a date, wasn’t it just respectful to look good for the other person? And doing it had helped steady his nerves. Some. By about five percent.

And now he was just stalling.

Squaring his shoulders, he lifted a hand and firmly knocked.

The door opened three seconds later and whatever composure Jakob had left him in a whoosh of air. The man on the other side was gorgeous, dark hair worn long and tucked behind his ears, the gentle curls complimenting his high cheekbones and golden skin tone. His generous mouth widened in a bright smile, lighting up his expression, and Jakob smiled helplessly back, unable to even fathom doing otherwise.

“You’re here.” The voice was liquid smooth, like a fine Bourbon, and it made Jakob’s mouth go dry. “I’m so glad. Come in, please.”

He did, without any conscious direction to his feet to do so, and shut the door behind him.

“I’m Tam,” his companion introduced himself, “And I know you Finnish have the personal space of a small crater, but we Tandiirans do not like this handshake business. I want to hug you.”

Snorting a laugh, Jakob felt himself relax a notch. “Part of the reason why I’ve always loved your people is that you’re straightforward and affectionate. Please do hug me.” Proving that he was comfortable doing so, he leaned in and gathered up that lean body into a full embrace, enjoying it even though his nerves still rattled. Drawing back, he brushed his cheeks to either side of Tam’s, the traditional greeting when seeing a friend or relative or even someone you just liked.

Tam’s face lit up in reaction, smile infectious. “Aww, you do know how to greet my people well. We adore you too, you know.”

“You Tandiirans act like I saved your country single-handedly,” Jakob retorted, his exasperation tempered by amusement. “I had a lot of help doing that, a whole army, in fact.”

Like every other Tandiiran he’d ever met, Tam just patted him on the chest and responded indulgently, “Yes, I know. But you’re our favorite. Now come, I have wine and cheese and some bread set out. Let’s sit and talk for a while, hmm? And you can tell me if there’s a handsome man that has caught your eye yet.”

Relieved they were starting off easy, Jakob followed him to the living area of the suite. The hotel room was a nice one, with a kitchenette area, bathroom, and a bedroom supposedly further in. It was decorated with soft cream carpets, beautiful landscapes on the walls, and furniture in dark woods. Tam had only turned on two of the lamps in the living room to give them a more mellow glow. He sat on the two seater couch, patting the next cushion for Jakob to join him, which he did. Jakob sat, a little stiff still, although truthfully he felt far more relaxed now that he’d met Tam. Mäkinen’s choice of asking a Tandiiran to be his partner was brilliant as to his knowledge, no Tandiiran wished him ill. Jakob felt more comfortable with a Tandiiran man than he would his own countryman in this setting.

Tam handed him a half-glass of wine, which he took with a murmur of thanks, tasting it in a gentle sip. “That’s quite lovely.”

“I agree. Mäkinen provided the wine, actually. He has excellent taste.” Tam took his own sip before setting the glass aside. An earnest expression on his face, he assured Jakob gently, “He told me a little of why you’re here. First, let me assure you, he did not demand that I come. He explained, and I chose to come, as I did not want any other man with you.”

Jakob blinked at him, head canted in question.

Well able read the question on his face, Tam elaborated, “Because that possible other man, I could not trust that he would treat you with the same respect and affection that I would. I know you, Jakob Vanlandingham. I know that you’re a good man, a sweet man, and for this you deserve not only someone that can respect you, but treat you with affection. I also believe that any other Tandiiran in my place would have jumped you before you could even get your foot through the door, which is not what you need right now,” he added with a lecherous waggle of the eyebrows. “Although I’m not opposed, mind.”

He could just feel the blush taking over his fair skin. “I, um. Okay. Thank you for explaining that.”

Satisfied he had gotten his point across, Tam picked up the wine glass again, taking another sip. “Now, let me explain a few things to you, and see how much you recognize from your own observations. The easiest way to flirt is to hold a man’s eye, lean in a little as he speaks, and truly engage in the conversation. Ask for his name. If he responds in kind, he’s interested.”

Jakob opened his mouth to protest, then froze, closing it again. Come to think of it, he’d seen it when men had done that with women, usually at a bar. It had worked surprisingly well. “I’ve seen that play out several times, usually while out with the men. That really works?”

“If he asks your name, then it’s a cinch,” Tam assured him. “Among my people, its not that simple, but it is in your culture. I have yet to figure out if this works in my favor or not. They don’t expect me to know your dating customs.”

“Even though you’re fluent in Finnish?” Jakob asked doubtfully.

Tam shrugged, a light and easy gesture. “I’ve discovered that if I do this,” he reached over and snagged a bit of cheese, offering it to Jakob, which he hesitantly took from those slender fingers, “then they get the message at that point. Nibbling off someone else’s plate is a positive sign of interest, but also of comfort level.”

That he knew well. And it was rather enjoyable, to have someone else feed him by hand that way. He liked it immensely. Jakob hadn’t realized he favored that until just now, as no one had done that with him before. “Yes, I’ve seen that too. And once I know they’re interested?”

“Your people like to do a movie on a first date,” Tam answered with another shrug. “If that goes well, then you schedule a second one.”

“Yes, but what about…” Oh damn. He really didn’t want to ask this question, it made him seem entirely foolish.

Tam tapped a reproving finger against the tip of his nose. “Stop that. You can ask me anything. In fact, better to ask me than to be caught with your foot in your mouth later.”

“Good point,” Jakob agreed, wincing at the mental picture of fouling this up later on a date. He still had to take a gulp of wine for courage before he could get the question out. “What about the first date, though? Do people assume you’ll sleep with them on the first date?”

“I don’t care what people expect, if I’m not comfortable with that, then I don’t. You shouldn’t be pressured into that either.” Tam’s rich brown eyes studied him thoughtfully. “Your people are not usually so hasty to cross that line, or so has been my experience. It’s customary for a goodnight kiss, though.”

Which would be fine, if Jakob had any idea how to kiss.

“If you’ve not had a chance to flirt, or date,” Tam said slowly, building the path forward carefully with each word spoken, “then have you had a chance to kiss someone?”

“When I was fifteen, a girl in my neighborhood tried for it,” Jakob managed levelly, hand tightening to the point that it threatened the integrity of the glass, “but it was rather a mess, honestly.”

Tam set his glass carefully aside. “Would you care to kiss me?”

“Hell yes,” Jakob breathed before he could check his mouth. Seriously, what was wrong with him? He’d sworn to himself before coming in here that he wouldn’t demand anything physical of the man. He’d sworn to himself not ten minutes ago.

His answer delighted Tam, the man grinning outright at him. Alright, well at least he didn’t seem to mind. Taking his glass out of hand, Tam sat that aside as well, then shifted until he was seated comfortably on Jakob’ thighs. Jakob allowed it, although it felt strange to have someone inside his personal space like this, hands settling uncertainly on Tam’s hips. He really didn’t know where else to put them.

Tam’s hand caught behind his neck, holding him still as he leaned in and gently pressed their lips together. Jakob’s eyes fluttered shut, the sensation foreign but not at all unpleasant. Those soft lips caressed his, teasing his own open, and he groaned in response, attempting to kiss back. Damn, this was quite pleasant, he now understood why people were a bit fixated on it.

Teeth caught his bottom lip, tugged at it gently, and he liked that a lot. When Tam retreated, he tried it in turn, and liked the response he got as Tam kissed him harder. Mmm, yes, this was lovely. He could kiss Tam the rest of the night. Daring to slide his hands up, he tangled one in that fall of dark curls, feeling the silkiness of it and enjoying the texture.

Drawing back, Tam’s mouth was opened a touch as he caught his breath, eyes darker and hungrier than before. “I should warn you, I love having my hair played with.”

“Good,” Jakob responded in a voice he barely recognized as his own. “I like playing with it. I want to keep kissing you.”

“Oh by all means,” Tam breathed, leaning back in. “Don’t let me stop you.”
 
+
 
Tamjir opened his eyes the next morning, convinced that he’d dreamed the evening before because he had not made out with Jakob Vanlandingham in a hotel room like a teenager. Only his mouth felt a little bruised, and he could feel the phantom touches of those calloused fingers tangling in his hair, smoothing over his scalp, and just the memory of that alone got him hard.

Dammit.

The problem with teenage fantasies was that they were supposed to not actually measure up to reality. Which was true in this case, as reality had been better, and Tamjir really had no defense against it because of that. He’d suspected Jakob would be sweet and polite, anyone that knew the man would think that, but he’d also been incredibly voracious and passionate and it had stirred Tamjir up past the point of common sense.

If Jakob had even a bit of experience, Tamjir would have likely seduced the man last night. But Jakob was clearly in uncharted waters the entire time, and Tamjir hadn’t wanted to overwhelm him, instead letting him set the pace. They’d not taken any clothes off, or gone past kissing, and Jakob had been so enamored with holding Tamjir it felt heady just cuddling on the couch.

Tamjir laid in his bed, in his apartment above the clinic, and cursed himself for being an idiot. He’d seen the chance to help his country’s hero, and he’d been naively honored to think he could somehow return the help that he’d been given seven years ago, without really thinking of the consequences. And now he was firmly in lust with the man and his crush had gotten an adrenaline shot after being in Jakob’ arms last night. Dammit. He really could be his own worst enemy sometimes.

Sighing, he threw back the quilt and got out of bed, staggering to his en-suite bathroom. Between them, they’d drank most of the wine last night, and he had a hangover this morning because of it. He left the bathroom lights off, letting the sunlight through his bedroom window illuminate the area, as any artificial lighting would be painful on his eyes. Fumbling out two painkillers, he downed those dry before standing in front of the mirror, arms braced on the edge of the counter. His eyes looked a little bloodshot, his breath tasted foul, and it was just as well that he had time this morning to sort himself out. Flicking the shower on, he let the water heat, brushing his teeth while waiting. He had a full day of patients this morning, though not many in the afternoon. Although he doubled as an emergency clinic for this neighborhood, so who knew what problem would walk in.

He stepped under the hot spray, thoughts running through his head as he shampooed his hair. The general had only requested the one session, and in truth Tamjir had taught him everything he could without doing actual dry runs through various scenarios. He’d also told him the best bars and clubs to go to that would allow him to possibly flirt and pick someone up. That meant the possibility of a second night like last night was close to nil.

Maybe he should have stretched this out a little longer….

Kicking himself for even thinking it, Tamjir rinsed, stepped out, and went about the rest of his morning routine of shaving, getting dressed, and heading for the coffee pot. As he waited for the coffee to percolate, he absently checked his email on his cell phone. Most of it was spam, and he deleted that, working from top to bottom. A few were reminders of bills to pay, and he left those unread to remind himself to actually pay them.

The coffee pot gurgled completion, and he poured himself a cup before dropping two sugar cubes and a dash of cream into it, stirring it with a spoon before absently carrying it to his small kitchenette table, still reading his emails on the phone in his other hand.

Wait, that address…Wasn’t that the one Jakob had used to contact him with? Heart in his throat, he paused dead in the middle of the kitchen and opened the email, not sure what to expect.
 
Tam,
 
First, thank you for such a lovely evening. I was beyond nervous coming to meet you, but you set me at ease so quickly, I barely remembered why I should be nervous in the first place. I’m very glad that you chose to come meet me, selfishly so.
I know its not what we agreed to, but I wonder if you’d meet me again tonight? I feel strangely like I left things half-finished, or maybe I should say that I don’t want to part company with you after a single night. If not, I quite understand, as you only agreed to last night.
Either way you decide, I wanted to say sincere thanks.
 
Jakob
 
Tamjir blindly tried to set the coffee mug down, missed the table completely, and it thudded to the linoleum, spraying hot coffee everywhere. He absently swore as it splashed against his bare toes and he hopped out of the way, but still couldn’t tear his eyes away from the words on his screen. He read it through again, then again, not able to believe his eyes.

Had he suddenly lost the ability to read Finnish properly as well?

When he finally convinced himself that he really was reading that correctly, Tamjir punched a fist into the air in victory. “Yes, hell yes! Are you crazy, you beautiful idiot? Of course I want a repeat of last night! I swear, this man does not understand his own sex appeal. That’s what I’ll teach him tonight, how sexy he is. No. No wait, that’s a bad idea. If he knows, he’ll get the confidence to go prowling for men. Dammit. I’m not ready to give you up yet to other men,” Tamjir informed the screen seriously. “I’m going to seduce you into staying with me a little longer. I have a teenage crush to work out of my system. And I need to teach you safe sex, anyway. I’m doing us both a favor here.”

Yes, he knew that he was being ridiculous. Tamjir lived in a constant state of knowing he was being silly and doing it anyway, so this didn’t make him hesitate.

He sat down at the table and properly typed out a reply that he would love to meet again tonight. He’d find them a different hotel and email him the details. Same time?

Then he forced himself to close the app and not re-read the email until he had it memorized. Knowing he was being silly and indulging the silliness was two different things.

Staring at his spilled coffee, he couldn’t stop the grin spreading across his face. It looked demented, he was sure, and it was just as well no one else was in his apartment to see it. A second night. He got a second night.

As he mopped up the still warm coffee, his only thought was this: How did he make sure that he got a third?

 
3 
 
It was inevitable that Gar meet him at his desk with a coffee cup in hand and an intense, curious expression scrawled all over his face. Jakob took one look at that face and the memory of being with Tam crashed down over him, forcing his cheeks to heat.

“Ohhh?” Eyebrows waggling, Gar playfully demanded, “That good, huh?”

“Shut it,” Jakob grumbled, grabbing the offered coffee cup and holding it with both hands. “You know very well I didn’t demand sex of him.”

“I’d be astonished if you did,” Gar agreed, not at all displeased by this. Perching on the edge of the desk in his usual spot, he leaned in, tone confidential. “But do tell me what happened?”

“We met at a hotel,” Jakob recounted, “and he came prepared with a bottle of wine, some cheese and bread. I barely got inside the room when he informed me that he wasn’t doing a handshake and asked for a hug instead. It was so Tandiiran it made me laugh.”

“Wait, he’s Tandiiran?”

Oops, he hadn’t said that, had he? Jakob’s mind was still a little scrambled from a certain positive email he’d gotten this morning. “Yes. He’s utterly gorgeous. I’m amazed I got anything sensible out last night, as he tied my tongue in knots half the time. Anyway, he was exactly what I needed. He sat me on the couch, talked me through how to approach someone, the basics of dating, and gave me a list of places that were safe to go to.”

“Excellent. So you’re clear on how to approach men now and my plan worked.”

Jakob barely stopped himself from rolling his eyes. “Yes, and I owe you an expensive dinner somewhere.”

Gar nodded acknowledgement of this but he didn’t seem to care about that at the moment. “And you’re telling me that you just sat chastely on the couch with a gorgeous man who wanted to hug you? Why general, what a pretty blush you have.”

In a quiet voice, Jakob admitted sheepishly, “I might have ended up making out with him.”

Doubling over, Gar laughed, both arms around his stomach.

“Oh, stop,” Jakob demanded of him, although even he had to admit it was ridiculous. “He asked if I wanted to kiss him, and I’m not an idiot, so of course I said yes. Gar, it’s not that funny.”

“And you were so adamant you weren’t going to touch him,” Gar choked out. Wiping a tear from his eye, he tried to get himself back under control. “Ah, priceless. Well, I’m glad it all worked out so well. So, are you going to a club or a bar this weekend, then?”

Did he tell him the full truth of that email he’d sent late last night? Or rather, in the bird hours of this morning, when he couldn’t sleep?

“Sir.” Suspicion clouding his face, Gar repeated, “You are going clubbing this weekend so you can try out all your new skills, correct?”

Jakob tried for a smile and missed, his mouth going crooked. “I asked to meet him again.”

He could not have astonished his friend more. Gar’s mouth dropped open, words utterly beyond him as he made croaking, dying frog sounds.
“I know,” Jakob acknowledged, slumping a little in his chair. “I haven’t changed my mind, I still won’t demand sex of him, its just…he’s so utterly charming. And intelligent. His Finnish is impeccable, and you know our language isn’t easy to learn, but he speaks it flawlessly. I had a wonderful time just talking to him. I felt like it was a waste to not know him better.”

In a rare moment of familiarity on the job, Gar faced him squarely. “Jakob. You know this is a bad idea. Escorts are charming, that’s their job. And since he’s Tandiiran, it only makes things worse for you, as of course he immediately liked you. All Tandiirans immediately like you. You can’t fall for this guy, it’ll be a disaster.”

“I know, and I have no intention of dating him,” Jakob said soothingly. “That really would be a disaster. It’s just, I enjoyed being with him. It won’t hurt to have another night, practice my flirting skills, right?”

Rubbing a hand over his face, Gar sighed. “I’m not going to talk you out of this, am I?”

“It’ll be fine,” Jakob promised. He truly believed it would be. Besides, he hoped that if he knew Tam a little better, he could figure out why the man was wasting his obvious intelligence in this profession. At the very least, he could be a translator. If he needed a good recommendation, Jakob would be quite happy to provide it.

The phone rang, his personal cell phone, and he pulled it free of his back pocket before grimacing.

“Your mother?” Gar guessed.

“Worse, my father.” Resigned already to a rough conversation, he hit accept and put the phone to his ear. “Isä, how are you this morning?”

“Don’t give me that, Jakob. You know I only call you from the office when there’s a problem,” his father’s gruff voice grumbled back at him.

Yes, hence why he hadn’t looked forward to answering this phone call. Gar tiptoed out, quick to escape ground zero before an explosion could occur. Jakob envied his friend the escape even as he kept his voice level and responded, “I suspected as much. What’s the problem?”

“Your mother invited you to dinner last night. Why weren’t you in attendance?”

“Because I had a prior appointment. I told her this.”

“She was very hurt that you chose someone else over her. I got to hear all about it last night and this morning over breakfast.”

Jakob translated ‘hurt’ as ‘screaming’ without difficulty. His mother was very controlling, adamant that she have the power to dictate to her three children what they could and could not do. His older brother and sister had more or less escaped her by marrying people on the far side of the country. He, the youngest, had joined the army to get away from her. Unfortunately, he was now in Helsinki and therefor within his mother’s range once more. She expected him to drop anything and everything when she called and was not happy when he ignored her in favor of doing something else. His father, only wanting peace, expected Jakob to obey her without question.

Why they thought they could order him to do anything was beyond Jakob. He was no longer a child, after all. Even as a teenager he hadn’t obeyed his parents blindly. “Father. When are you going to stop giving in to her every demand?”

“When you’re married, you’ll understand what it means to keep a wife happy.”

Doubtful, considering he’d have a husband instead. Jakob bit that part back. “And what about your children, who are constantly trying to escape her? We don’t get a say in any of this?”

Edvin sighed gustily, put upon. “Why are you arguing this with me? Your mother loves you. Just call her, apologize, and come to dinner tonight.”

Once again, Jakob’s wishes and words were soundly ignored. He’d played this game with his father most of his life, a delicate balancing act of pleasing the other person just enough that he could do as he wished without being constantly hounded. Jakob knew very well that his parents loved him, and he loved them, although being around them for any length of time made him search for escape routes. For the millionth time, he thought of telling his father to screw what his mother wanted. For the millionth time, he chose compromise instead. “You can inform her that I’m not coming to dinner tonight. I have a date.”

There was an audible hiccup on the other end of the line. “A date?”

“Yes, Isä, a date.”

“Anyone we know?”

“I doubt it. My date’s Tandiiran.”

“Ah.” Edvin lost half of his astonishment as this information. “Well, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised, all things considered. Still, I’m very pleased, son. You so rarely date.”

His parents were under the impression that the various women he’d escorted to the different political and military functions over the years were his ‘dates.’ Jakob had never told them that, nor had he explained why most of the time, they didn’t see him with those women afterwards. “Yes, well, I rarely meet someone I’m so attracted to. Tam’s very intelligent and charming. Anyway, I have a date tonight.”

“I won’t stop you. Your mother will be thrilled you’re on a date. It’s too soon, I suppose, to bring her along and have dinner with your parents.”

“Far, far too soon,” Jakob agreed, meaning that in every possible way.

“Yes, alright, I understand. I still remember what it’s like to be in the dating scene. Then try for dinner sometime this weekend, alright? Let your mother see you.”

Another compromise, this one easier. “Fine. Sunday?”

“I’ll tell her. Good luck, Jakob.”

“Thank you, Isä.” Jakob hung up the phone and stared at the screen silently for a moment. Before he came out to the world, he’d have to come out to his parents first. Just the idea of it depressed him as he expected that to go over like a lead balloon. His parents were the epitome of conservative. He might not be disinherited over it, but he certainly wouldn’t be welcome anymore. As much as his parents frustrated him, he didn’t want to be cut off from them, either.

Sighing, he put the phone off to the side of the desk and pulled up the email from Tam again to read through it. That instantly put a smile back on his face, as he could hear the man’s voice in his ear as he read the words. Tam had the sort of voice that could read the phone book and he would still pay for the privilege of listening to it. Oh, that was another good thought. Maybe he could be an audiobook narrator.

As he looked, a notification popped up on screen announcing another message. He clicked on it, happy to see that Tam had reserved another place for them. When he checked the address, it wasn’t a hotel, interestingly enough, but a house. Copying the address, he did a general search, and found that it was listed as an Air BnB. Oh? Well, that was fine, too.

Filled with anticipation for that night, Jakob forced himself to exit out of the email client and got back to work.

+

That same sense of anticipation set his nerves alight as he drove away from work that evening. He absolutely refused to show up at the door while still in uniform. His apartment was nearby, and he had enough time to change and go to Tam’s rented house, even if the traffic turned for the worse.
The weather was chilling rapidly as they approached fall. During the day it was still warm enough for short sleeves, but as the sun set, so did the temperature. August in Finland could be hit and miss for nice weather, so he enjoyed it while it lasted.

His apartment was quiet and still as usual as he entered. He’d bought it three years previous, mostly because it overlooked the sea, and it had enough space for him as it was a two bedroom with a sensible layout. The developer of the building painted everything white, which he changed slowly, wanting some color in his home. But the pale wooden floors he left alone, and his furniture was either light grey or white to avoid cluttering the space. Jakob admitted to himself that he might have focused too much on decorating his apartment just because he was bored and at loose ends after work. Still, it turned out nice, so he couldn’t complain.

Stepping into his bedroom, he shed the uniform and either hung things up or tossed them into the laundry, depending. He rifled through his closet, aware that he only had ten minutes to get dressed, the clock mentally ticking. Everything either looked far too informal or incredibly formal at first glance. It took some rifling to find something more appropriate for tonight.

He went with a dark blue dress shirt that his sister had reliably informed him did amazing things with his eyes, and a thin black jacket over it. Pleased with the effect against his black jeans, he threw on shoes and then headed right back out, his little white sportscar revving like a purring panther as he started the engine.

This was crazy, he knew that even as he drove through the wide streets, but he couldn’t seem to help himself. Part of the reason why he’d not had any trouble hiding his orientation for so many years was that he was gray-sexual. Jakob rarely met anyone that sparked his libido and even then, it was usually at such a low level that he could easily ignore it. Tam was the first person in nearly a decade that drew his interest.

So was it sane, going on a second date with an escort? Likely not. But the idea of ignoring this tantalizing connection, so rarely felt, left a sour taste in Jakob’s mouth. It didn’t hurt anything to enjoy the man’s company.

He kept assuring himself of this even as he deviated by the Tandiiran Quarter and stopped by his favorite bakery to pick up some dessert. He said it again as he followed his phone’s GPS to the rental house on the shoreline. The cute cottage had lights on inside, and as he stepped out of his little white Raceabout, Jakob took in a breath to steady his nerves. He locked the sportscar with his key fob automatically, even as his head swam. Was this a good idea, really? His heart said yes, his mind screeched warnings.

Just to talk, he told himself again. Yes, Tam was entirely sexy and charming, but they didn’t have to take this any further. It was enough to be able to flirt with that sexy, charming man.

With that promise firmly in mind, he knocked on the door.

Tam opened it within seconds, a bright smile of welcome on his face. He wore a dark red turtleneck that complimented his golden skin and dark hair perfectly, making Jakob temporarily forget all about his promise to keep his hands to himself. He was in bare feet again, the hem of his dark jeans barely brushing the tops of it. Snagging him, he drew Jakob immediately in, with Jakob kicking the door shut behind him.
“You’re always so punctual,” Tam greeted, voice husky with approval.

“It’s rude to be otherwise,” Jakob responded.

Rising up on tiptoes, Tam put both arms around his neck, greeting him with a brush against either cheek with his own. Jakob expected that. What he didn’t expect was the soft, not at all shy kiss that Tam gave him, his lips lingering in a tantalizing way. It made whatever blood he had go directly south. It took conscious effort to not latch onto Tam as he drew back an inch, whispering against his mouth, “Hello.”

“Hi,” Jakob whispered back, feeling a little heady from the kiss and happy about it. Damn, this man’s voice got to him every time. “What is that delicious smell?”

“Chupatah,” Tam answered, with another quick kiss, then he dropped back onto his heels. “You know what that is?”

“I do, and love it.” Lifting the plastic bag still in his hand, he offered, “Dessert?”

“Yes, please. And from Red Bakery. I see you know that too.” Tam took it from his hand and opened the red box inside to take a peek. “Kashmiri naan, excellent.”

“They make the best,” Jakob agreed without hesitation. “Well, they make everything the best. I’ve never found a better bakery.”

“That’s because it does not exist,” Tam agreed in perfect concordance. “Come, sit. I think the chupatah needs another few minutes.”

Jakob walked through the charming cottage, with its light green walls, dark wooden floors and white furniture, appreciating the care that had gone into what must have been a recent renovation. Then he belatedly realized that there were two pots on the stove and what Tam’s comments must mean. “Wait, you’re not just heating that up, you made it?”

“Well, yes,” Tam agreed with a quick smile over his shoulder. “Chupatah is hard to find in the city. It’s a home dish, its not something you generally find in restaurants.”

Tam was actually cooking for him? Jakob felt his heart, already out of control, go a little further in the wrong direction. “Believe me, I know. I got introduced to it in the war and have had the devil of a time finding it since. There’s this one restaurant, the Lantern, the cook there is a friend of mine. She sometimes takes pity and makes me a pot of it. I bring it into work just to torment my staff.”

Chuckling, Tam put the naan on the bar before checking both of his pots. “How evil of you. They don’t try to steal it?”

“I’ve had to threaten court martial a few times,” Jakob responded lightly. “But I’m not willing to share. Truly, Tam, you didn’t have to cook. I’m not complaining, mind you, but you’ve surprised me.”

“I hate cooking for myself,” Tam informed him, stepping in closer to wrap both hands around Jakob’s waist. “But I’m perfectly content to cook for someone else. I was in the mood for chupatah. You’ll help me eat it, won’t you?”

“You know, I think that’s the first stupid question you’ve asked me?”

Tam grinned at him, leaning in to snuggle.

Jakob knew very well that the Tandiirans didn’t really understand the concept of personal space. If they liked you, they were right up against you, and they were incredibly physically affectionate. He tried not to read too much into Tam’s behavior, he really did, but it was a half-lost cause even before his own arms rose to hold the man firmly against him.

God, he felt good. He smelled even better, like spices and male. There was a hint of citrus from his hair, and without thinking, Jakob turned his face into it, breathing in deeply.

“Jakob. Are you sniffing me?” Tam asked in amusement.

A little guiltily, he defended, “You smell amazing. Good enough to eat.”

“If you say such things to me,” Tam murmured, drawing back and the look in his eyes spoke of pure hunger that had nothing to do with food, “then I can’t be held responsible for my actions.”

Jakob might have managed to respond to that, somehow, but Tam didn’t give him the chance. His mouth was taken in a kiss that was unlike any other they’d shared before. Hungrier, more demanding, with tongues battling for dominance and teeth scraping against his bottom lip. Jakob tried to give back as good as he got, feeling a little ravaged, pleasantly so. They broke to breathe, panting for air, and Jakob desperately tried to get the lower half of his body to understand that things really couldn’t go any further.

Drawing back, Tam barely flicked his eyes to the stove before turning both knobs off. There was a certain deliberation in his movements and Jakob had to swallow, hard, around the dry anticipation in his mouth. A slender hand grabbed his, pulling him away from the bar and to the wide couch in the living room, drawing him toward it without any hint of hesitation.

A foot from the couch, Jakob remembered every promise he made to himself and he dug in his heels. The smaller, lighter man wouldn’t be able to budge him if he really planted himself and held firm. He just had to somehow come up with the conviction to hold firm. It was more than a little shaky at the moment. “Tam. You don’t have to. I didn’t come here for sex. I just really enjoy your company. Truly, I don’t need more than that from you.”
Shaking his head, Tam stepped back in to whisper a kiss against his mouth. “You’re not paying me to do this, Jakob. I want to touch you. I desperately want to touch you. Don’t you want to do the same?”

Jakob wasn’t insane, or dead, so he could only answer, “Yes.”

“Then come here.”

Like a man bewitched, he went, following him down to the couch, stretching over that gorgeous body with a groan. God, he felt even better under Jakob like this, legs apart and cradling his hips, hands sneaking up under Jakob’s shirt. He kissed him hungrily, not sure what was appropriate, but needing skin. He tugged at Tam’s shirt too, wanting it out of the way, but his own weight and Tam’s kept it semi in place. Frustrated, he levered up and shirked his own shirt, letting it fall carelessly to the floor. Tam lifted up just enough to do the same and oh damn, all of that perfect golden skin was on display for him. For a moment, Jakob forgot how to breathe.

“I do love the way you look at me,” Tam purred, twining both arms around his shoulders and drawing him back in.

Jakob went, unable to even contemplate doing otherwise, hands roving over warm, smooth skin. Tam had some sort of exercise regime, something that left him slender but defined, pleasantly so. Jakob’s mouth trailed after his hands, finding a likely spot on Tam’s neck and enjoying the way the man groaned and sighed in pleasure. Marking that spot as sensitive, he kept going to a nipple, licking and tugging with his lips.

“Ais kushue,” Tam said on a gasp, arching into him.

Not knowing what it meant, Jakob had to guess from the tone alone, and since Tam made no move to stop him, he had to assume it was something good.

Tam shifted, a hand squirreling down between them to find his waistband. The idea of being touched sounded wonderful, and Jakob wanted to encourage this, so he shifted his hips up and to the side to give him the room needed. His pants loosened as the button and zipper were undone, and then that warm hand dipped inside and pulled him free. He’d of course had a hand on himself over the years, and he thought he knew what to expect, but it felt so different having that hand grip him that he pulled back from the kiss with a gasp. Oh god. Ohgodohgodohgod, why did that feel so amazing?

“That’s lovely,” Tam complimented, hand stroking from root to tip in a manner that wasn’t at all timid. “If I’d known you had this, I wouldn’t have let you walk away from me last night.”

A flush worked its way up his skin. He’d not thought himself all that different from other men—being in the army, you saw practically everyone naked at some point or another—but he liked that Tam so obviously appreciated him. “Can I touch you too?”

“I’ll be very disappointed if you don’t.”

He fumbled more than he should have—the hand stroking him was not helping his concentration whatsoever—but he managed to get the buttons and zipper undone and his own hand inside. Tam was half-hard already, and he filled and thickened in Jakob’s hand as he gave that hard, hot length a tentative stroke. Tam’s eyes fell to half-mast, a feline smile of pleasure toying around the corners of his mouth. Emboldened by that expression, Jakob firmed his grip and tried to match Tam’s rhythm.

The smile widened. “You do learn so quickly. Here, take us both in hand.”

Game to try, he maneuvered them more on their sides, wrapping a hand around both of them, jacking together. It felt good like this, too, and even better when Tam rocked his hips, rubbing against him. Shit, how had he gone thirty-five years without even trying to have something like this? It felt so incredible.

Tam caught his mouth, kissing him hungrily, still maintaining that rhythm. Jakob could feel his climax building, hotter and harder than usual, not to mention faster. He normally needed several minutes of dedicated attention before getting anywhere near this point. Not three bloody minutes. No, shit, no, he didn’t want to end so quickly. “Wait, Tam—” he protested breathlessly against that mobile mouth.

“It’s alright,” Tam responded, that normally smooth voice rough with desire. “This won’t be our only time. I promise you. Come for me, sweetheart.”

God, that voice. It undid him completely, and he jerked and shuddered, locked for a moment in the throws of pleasure. His vision went white for a moment, and because of that he missed it when Tam came, although he felt the hot splash of semen hit his bare stomach. Panting for breath, he held the other man close, heedless of the mess on their stomachs, prolonging the moment as long as he could.

Tam snuggled in with an audible purr of contentment. They lay there for several moments, catching their breath, enjoying the intimacy, before Tam pulled back with a grimace. “Any longer, and we’ll be adhered to each other. Here, there’s tissues behind us.”

Stretching over the arm of the couch, he pulled two free, passing one to Tam before cleaning himself up. The dredges of regret settled in his stomach as Tam lifted himself off, righting his clothing. He wasn’t at all prepared to let go of the man yet. Finnish he might be, with the personal space that went with it, but the instinct of staying close to a lover apparently was universal.

Lover. Only Tam wasn’t that, was he?

Carefully keeping that thought off his face, Jakob climbed off the couch and righted himself as well, pulling his shirt back on. Tam surprised him by rising up on tiptoes, pressing a gentle kiss to his mouth. “Feed me, then bed?”

Relief nearly swamped him. Even if it was just once more, he’d have Tam again, and Jakob couldn’t complain about that. “Sounds perfect.”

“Good. I’m actually quite starved, I didn’t get lunch today.” Tam skipped back to the stove, lifting the lids to check the contents.

Not sure if he wanted to know, but too curious about Tam to let it lie, he asked, “Was there a problem?”

“Oh yes,” Tam answered sourly. “I live on the second floor, and the woman above me came flying down in a panic because while cooking, her stove caught fire. She was fortunately smart enough to not throw water on it, but because she let it burn while fetching help, it caught the wall and part of the cabinets framing the stove on fire as well. Fortunately, we were able to put it out rather quickly, but she was so distraught, and her Finnish nonexistent, she was no help when the firemen came. I had to translate for her.”

Jakob came to sit at the bar, watching as Tam served up the thick stew on its bed of jasmine rice. He was privately thrilled to learn something of Tam. For all that the man talked, he didn’t actually give many personal details. “I’m sure she was relieved you helped her.”

“Relieved and swearing she’d name her first child after me.” Tam shot him a grin as he put a bowl in front of him.

“Have you ever considered working as a translator?” The question popped out before he could reign it in. Was it proper to ask that sort of thing in this setting?

Tam shot him a look that was a strange mix of emotions, none of which Jakob could properly untangle. “I actually started working as a translator when I immigrated over here. I still do, occasionally, as people know that I have the skills for it.”

So it wasn’t that he didn’t have the experience to do it. Maybe he didn’t get enough work to make it viable to support him? “I’d wondered. You’re so perfectly fluent.”

“I’m hardly unique in that,” Tam observed, popping up to sit in the stool next to him. “Eat, eat, before it grows any colder.”

Jakob dipped a spoon in, popped a bite into his mouth, and moaned in pleasure. “Tam. Marry me.”

Tam choked on his food, spluttering on a laugh. “Well, that was easy.”

“I’m perfectly serious,” Jakob assured him, his mouth reporting nothing but delight. “I have never had chupatah this good.”

“The trick is to let the broth simmer overnight,” Tam informed him, still laughing.

“You say that like I have even the slightest idea how to make this.”

“You’re a talented general, a strategic genius,” Tam retorted, eyes dancing in mirth. “Surely you can cook.”

Jakob shook his head ruefully. “I can reliably cook five recipes without setting things on fire and that includes myself. You don’t want me to try anything else.”

“So you do have flaws. I’d wondered.”

Frowning at him, Jakob put his spoon down for a moment, letting it chink against the edge of the bowl. “I’m not perfect, Tam.”

“You cannot convince my countrymen of this,” Tam retorted, tone half-serious.

Seeing a beautiful opening to possibly get an answer to something that had puzzled him for years, Jakob put the question out there. “Why do your people so universally adore me, anyway? It’s strange. I’m not the only one that’s helped you.”

“Mmm, it’s a mix of things.” Tam paused, mentally phrasing things before ticking off the reasons on his fingers. “We know that you disobeyed a direct order to save us. Not many people would do that. You’re correct, many of your countrymen helped us, and we’re thankful to them, but they never really tried to meet us halfway. They expect us to respond in their language, using their customs. Not once have you done that. I’ve heard multiple people tell me stories about how you come, and ask how to properly say a word or phrase, and you always respect our customs when you’re with us. That attitude is rarer than you’d think. But because you do that, you’ve not only endeared yourself to us, but you set an example for the entire army to follow, and follow it they have. To mixed success, I grant you, but still. You were the trailblazer.”

Jakob stared at him in amazement. “But….”

“But what you did was not that remarkable?” Tam lifted a hand to caress his face gently, the gesture sweet, leaving his skin tingling in response. “Have you not learned by now that often the most drastic movements start with little pushes?”

Jakob shook his head. “Not what I meant. Your people have always been so generous and kind to me. I love being around them. I was just indulging myself, really. I just wanted to be with all of you.”

A soft, gentle expression stole over Tam’s face. “We love you too. We know that you like us. That’s also the reason why we adore you. I think that settles it. We’ll just steal you. Finland’s had you for thirty-five years now. Our turn.”

Jakob busted out laughing, shaking his head. “That’s not how life works, Tam.”

“Nonsense, I’ll find you a very nice Tandiiran man to marry, we’ll make it legal and everything.” Tam winked at him, going back to his stew.

Jakob knew him to be kidding, but he still winced. “Damn, but that wouldn’t go over well.”

Spoon halfway to his mouth, Tam paused, attention sharpening on him. “Why not?”

He didn’t mean to get into this, he really hadn’t, but…well, Tam was easy to talk to and aside from Gar, one of the few people that he could talk to. Stirring his stew to avoid looking the man in the eye, Jakob admitted, “I haven’t come out yet for two very good reasons. First, my family is very conservative. They were not happy about the recent laws legalizing same-sex marriage.”

Tam’s hand gripped his arm, supportive even as he questioned, “They won’t accept you?”

“I honestly don’t know. There’s a part of me, the child in me, that says of course they will. But I think every child hopes for that. The cynical, adult side of me isn’t so sure. My parents are very strict. They’ve always envisioned a wife and children for me, just like they envisioned a successful career with the army, and they’re not going to handle it well when I deviate from that plan.” Sighing, he regretted bringing this up, as it hardly did justice to the excellent food. “I have every intention of coming out to them, you understand, I just don’t want to do it until I have someone that will make the ordeal worth it.”

Tam’s voice was subdued as he asked, “You said two reasons. What’s the second?”

“The army’s slow to change in their attitudes or opinions,” he admitted frankly. “I don’t think they’ll accept having a gay general easily. It might well end my career. I’m not sure.”

“After all you’ve done?” Tam asked in disbelief.

“Bigotry and hatred run deep, Tam. I’ve seen and lived through it for seventeen years. I’m not blind to what will happen if I come out.” Sighing, he ran a hand over his hair, truly regretting bringing this up. “But I’m not going to let it stop me, at least, not for much longer. I refuse to live the rest of my life alone just because I didn’t have the courage to go against the grain. I want a lover. I want a husband. If I’m damn lucky, maybe I’ll find a man that wants to have kids with me. I can’t have any of that until I step out, I know that, I’m just not quite ready to face the music yet.”

“You think that coming out means going without a safety net to catch you, hence why you want to have a lover first, to support you.”

“Well, yeah. That and to remind me why it’s all worth it. I do better if I have something to protect, or an obvious goal to reach.”

“I think we all do better with those things.” Ducking his head, Tam caught his eye, drawing his head back up. “But Jakob, you are not alone. Since the day you came to Tandiir, and my people met you, you’ve never been alone. If your people, your family, cannot accept you as you are, then come to us. We’ll take you in a heartbeat.”

Jakob searched his eyes and found only sincerity and rock-solid conviction. He really believed that. There was no doubt in Tam’s mind. Jakob cast his mind back to every interaction he’d had with the Tandiiran people, remembering the warmth of their response to him, even from their leadership. Perhaps Tam had a good point. “You think if I put in a request for immigration, they’ll accept it?”

“Accept it? They’ll throw a party, rub it into your president’s face that he lost you, and refuse to give you back. Any Tandiiran would tell you the same.” Mischievously, Tam added, “And you can openly date any man you like in Tandiir.”

Jakob regarded him suspiciously. “Are you trying to lure me to the dark side?”

“Naturally. We have cookies.”

“Oh, well, if there’s cookies…” Jakob responded in kind, smirking as Tam laughed. He did feel lighter at this reassurance, not only because Tam had taken the time to reassure him, but because he believed it to be true. Well, he didn’t fully buy the celebration-rub in face- part of it. But he did think the Tandiiran government would promptly accept his visa application if he ever submitted one. Tam was right, he did have a safety net if he needed one, just perhaps not where he’d expected one to be.

“Eat,” Tam ordered, pointing to his bowl. “It’s growing cold and I still have plans for you.”

Unable to check it, Jakob glanced toward the open bedroom door. “Plans?”

Waggling his eyebrows, Tam promised, “Yes, those sorts of plans.”

Jakob swallowed hard and tried with herculean effort to not scarf the stew.

 
4 
 
 
Jakob went through the motions of weekend chores, a mindless exercise that let him think. If the army taught you how to do anything, it was to clean. He polished his shoes, cleaned the bathroom, swept and mopped all the floors. The kitchen didn’t really need any attention but he scrubbed it too, going so far as to pull out the fridge and stove in order to clean behind them.

He spent three hours scrubbing, but it wasn’t that large of an apartment, and it hadn’t been messy to begin with. Eventually, he ran out of things to scrub. Problem was, he was no closer to a solution.

Last night with Tam had been…eye-opening. Jakob always suspected he had a healthy libido, but without a partner to test that theory with, it’d been very hypothetical. With Tam willing and available, it was proven very quickly. They’d stayed wrapped up with each other until the small hours of the morning. Even now, hours later, he had no idea how he’d managed to rip himself away from the man.

Seriously, what the hell did he do about this?

The doorbell rang. Relieved at the possibility of an interruption, he went and answered it, pulling the door open to reveal Gar in civvies. A six pack of beer in one hand, a white board under the other, he had a very knowing expression on his face. “Need a sounding board session?”

“You,” Jakob informed him gratefully, “have impeccable timing.”

Gar slid inside as he backed up, giving him room to enter, taking the beer to help free up one of his friend’s hands. Beelining for the couch, Jakob asked curiously, “Although how did you guess?”

“Oh please, like that’s rocket science. This is literally the first time I’ve seen you attracted to anyone, and here you ask the man out a second time despite all the very large pitfalls, of course you’re torn up about what to do next. It’s like you think I don’t know you or something. After serving with you for nearly seventeen years.” Gar plopped onto the couch, laying the white board and a bag of markers down on the coffee table. “I’m also here to get all the details. I do mean all the details.”

Snorting, Jakob cracked open a can and handed it over. “Of course you are.”

One leg tucked up another, Gar made a show of getting situated before giving a cheesy smile. “You may proceed to debrief.”

Jakob almost did just that, then thought better of it. “Before we do that, answer a question for me.”

Eyes narrowing suspiciously, Gar returned, “Why?”

“Because I want to see if this is normal or not.”

Deliberating for a moment, Gar finally lifted a shoulder in a shrug. “Fine. Shoot.”

“What’s the normal behavior for an escort on a date?”

“Hmm, I mean I’m not an expert on this myself, having never been on a date with one. But if you listen to talk, then normally you meet them at a restaurant or bar, maybe chat a little, then go to a hotel room. Have sex, maybe a little pillow talk, sex again if you’re willing to pay for a double. Then you shower and leave. That’s the higher priced escorts. Anything lower than that, you just find somewhere cheap and have sex, then you leave.”
That’s more or less what Jakob expected as an answer. “He rented a house for last night. He cooked chupatah for me, from scratch. He pulled me to the couch at one point, obviously for sex, and I assured him I didn’t come for that. He said, and I quote, ‘You’re not paying me to have sex with you. I want to touch you, desperately.’”

Gar’s jaw dropped a little. Then he let out a low whistle. “Well, well, well. I didn’t expect that. He literally pulled all the stops for you.”

“He did.” Jakob passed a hand over his face, the memories of that night replaying through his head with the force of a wrecking ball. “And the sex…god. I didn’t want to stop touching him. The pleasure was so intense it was borderline painful, and we didn’t even have anal sex.”

Sipping at his beer, Gar regarded him thoughtfully. With deliberate care, he spoke. “Jakob. Are you falling for him?”

“I might be. I don’t know.” With a half-laugh, he looked away. “I’ve never been in love before. Never been close. I’m not sure what it feels like. But he was in my personal space most of last night, and not only did I not mind that, I actively tried to keep him there. I was seriously torn about parting from him this morning.”

“That says a lot, coming from you. You’re not really touchy-feely.”

“I know.” Jakob left it at that.

“You said that he’s gorgeous, and fluent in Finnish, and apparently a good cook?” Gar paused, and got a nod of agreement. “But what is he like?”

“Intelligent. Considerate. Charming, fuck he could charm anyone. I laugh more with him than anyone else. And he has this way of asking me questions…of listening to the answers. I confide in him things that I hesitate to say even to you.” Earnest now, Jakob set his untouched beer aside, trying to convince his friend, perhaps convince himself. “He told me he was a translator when he first immigrated over. That he still does it occasionally. I think he wasn’t getting enough work to support himself.”

“And so he fell into this, somehow, as a way to pay the bills?”

“That’s my theory.”

Gar didn’t look entirely sold on this. “It’s true, most of the sex trade is made of immigrants. Work’s not always easy to find over here. Even if you have a good skillset. The way you’re saying this, I have a feeling you’re trying to convince yourself of something.”

“I think…I think I should try dating him.” There. It was finally said. Jakob felt like he’d thrown a fifty pound pack from his shoulders getting those words out.

His friend regarded him with slack jawed amazement for a moment. “Seriously?”

Withdrawing a little, Jakob stared toward the ground. “You don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“I’m not sure if it is or not, I’m just amazed you’re that gung-ho on him that you’re actually pursuing him. I’ve never seen you so motivated to date before. It’s kinda nice. But I need to play devil’s advocate for a sec. You have considered that he’s charmed you like this because having a steady client would be good for him?”

“He wouldn’t let me pay him for last night,” Jakob confided quietly.

Gar fumbled the beer can, nearly dropping it. “Shit. Fucking shit, seriously?”

“I won enough of the argument that I reimbursed him for renting the house, but that was it. He wouldn’t accept a dime more.”

“Shit,” Gar repeated, voice climbing. “Okay, I take it back, he clearly likes you too. Have you considered that he might be doing this for his own, less pure reasons, though? I mean, you’re a rich prize. A brigadier general. He’d be set if he could catch you.”

“I have thought about that.” It was impossible not to. His mind thought in ways of tactics, strategies, of weaknesses and strengths from both sides. He’d been trained to think in such ways. It felt like a disservice to Tam to do it, though, his instincts said so. “I don’t think that’s what’s happening here.”
“You normally have good instincts with people.” Gar rubbed a finger around the top of the beer can, thinking hard. “The sex might be blinding you in this case, but I’ll give it even odds you’re right. Okay. You’ve told me enough to convince me that this might not be a complete disaster.”

Jakob brought his shoulders back up. Unable to keep the hope out of his voice, he asked, “Really?”

“If nothing else, he puts a smile on your face, and I’m inclined to like him just for that.” Raising a finger, Gar advised bluntly, “But you’re not going to be stupid about this. We need a game plan.”

His eyes went to the board on the table. “Ah, is that what the white board’s for.”

“Of course. You do better with game plans. Even if you deviate and ignore them completely about halfway through.” Gar said this last part with dark humor.

“The last time I pitched the game plan out of the window, it got us all promoted,” Jakob reminded him with a grin. “You shouldn’t be complaining about that habit.”

“I’d like to take this moment to remind you that the time before that, when you pitched the plan aside, you almost got us all court-martialed too.”
Jakob just shrugged, as it was the truth.

Grumbling, Gar set the beer down, exchanging it for the white board. “Alright. Let’s lay this out. I think you should date for at least two months before trying to take things seriously.”

“That sounds fair,” Jakob allowed, watching as his friend scribbled this out in black marker.

Still writing, Gar continued, “I’m writing down warning flags in red on here. If he does any of these things, you promise that you ditch him immediately.”
“I’m not an idiot, Gar.”

“You’re male. Of course you are. We can’t help ourselves when sex is involved.” Gar kept writing, not even looking up.

He grunted, exasperated, but privately admitted that Gar was wise to write down these warnings. If nothing else, it would serve as a good reminder to him. The bullet points were short and succinct: If he asks for money. If he asks for a serious favor. If he demands you take him to a public function. If he hints that he wants to move in with you.

Drawing a line down the center, Gar switched markers to blue and stayed poised over the board. “Alright. Right now, how much do you know about him personally?”

“Not a lot,” Jakob admitted in a grumble. “I know he lives in a second floor apartment, that he acts as a translator, that he’s in and out of the Tandiiran Quarter. I think he’s mid-twenties, perhaps a little older. He’s mentioned family, but they’re all still in Tandiir.”

“Alright, then that’s your first bullet point. You want to date this man, you have to learn more personal stuff about him.” Gar wrote this out. “And you need to actually do things for him and see how he responds.”

Jakob thought half of this was obvious, but he appreciated Gar writing it out, as he honestly had no idea how to really date. “Can I move this out of hotel rooms?”

“I think you need to, but do that gradually. It might be a little out of his comfort zone and you don’t want to tip your hand too quickly in this. And Jakob, I know you’re excited because you’ve finally found someone that you really like, but remember this: You still haven’t come out yet. And until you do that, you need to be discreet.”

Sound advice. He’d try to take it.
 
+
 
Tam read the email and promptly popped up to do a happy dance around his chair. It was a half-day at the clinic, so he was at work, and doing happy dances might not be professional, but screw it. He was happy. Jakob had sent another request for a date, this time at a rather nice restaurant that was known for being expensive as hell and discreet for meetings.

It was the first time he’d suggested something that didn’t include a bedroom and Tam was hopeful. Last night had been…well. Words failed to describe last night. He’d hoped to work his crush out a little and show Jakob the pleasures of good sex. He’d failed at the first and succeeded at the second. This was not going according to plan at all. In fact, the more time he spent with Jakob, the more he learned about the man behind that very sexy uniform. And the deeper he fell for him.

What was he supposed to do?

Jamilah stepped in, dark hair up in a bun, blue scrubs on, a clipboard in her hand. She had her mouth open in a question that paused when she caught sight of his expression. “I thought I heard you dancing in here, and now you’re frowning. What’s going on?”

Tamjir eyed her, weighing the pros and cons of confessing. In the end, he chose a path of half-truth. “Jassy, I might have done something stupid.”

“Oh boy. I’m sitting down first.” She promptly did, in his visitor’s chair, and settled in with a sigh. “Alright, what did you do this time?”

“Well, I met a perfectly wonderful man this week—”

Her eyebrows shot up hopefully. “And? Tell me you haven’t screwed it up already.”

Wincing, Tamjir admitted, “And there’s a bit of a misunderstanding and he thinks I’m an escort.”

Jamilah sat there blankly, a woman waiting for the punchline. “Come again?”

“It’s because Mäkinen introduced us,” Tamjir answered, dropping heavily into his chair. “He thinks I’m an escort.”

“Oh shit. I can totally see how that would happen, though. You’ve tried to straighten him out?”

“Sort of? But he’s so certain of it, and I’m not sure of how to unravel this knot without making him angry. Or embarrassing him. And you know how well men handle embarrassment.”

“That’s to say, not at all. Damn, Tam, this is not good. How many times have you seen him?”

“Two dates in the past two days. He’s asked me out to dinner for tomorrow night. I’m—” Tamjir rubbed at the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache forming. “I’m happy, but alarmed too. I can just feel this spiraling out of control. I told him quite firmly to not pay me for last night, that he didn’t need to pay me anything for me to be with him. He still reimbursed me for the little house I rented.”

Jamilah pursed her lips, watching him with a mix of sympathy and amusement. “You really have dug yourself into a hole, haven’t you? Tam, you need to tell him.”

“I knooow,” he groaned.

“No, seriously, tell him tomorrow. If you think he’s going to be embarrassed now, think about how he’ll react later when he figures it out. A month, two months, three months from now, if you’re still dating, it’ll be so much worse. Relationships built on lies don’t last. Be sensible, use the brain I know you have, and tell him.”

Tamjir knew her to be right, but he didn’t feel like it was that simple, either. Doing so would get Mäkinen into trouble, as the man shouldn’t have brought Tamjir into this to begin with. But he couldn’t explain that to her without giving Jakob’s identity away, which he absolutely could not do. If word of this got out, it would do his general irreparable damage. He trusted Jamilah, of course he did, but this was too juicy of a secret to keep. Three people already knew about it and secrets were best kept between two, not three. They were already straining lady luck’s good will.

Rubbing at his forehead again, Tamjir groaned. If there was a good way out of this, some path he could take where he could still date Jakob and not hurt him in the process, then he didn’t see it.

 
5 
 
 
Jakob normally wasn’t in this particular wing of the base, but he liked to do spontaneous spot-checks. When people knew there was an inspection coming up, they were quick to clean things up and polish them to avoid drawing any attention. But that didn’t really ensure that there were no problems. Hence Jakob’s habit of playing inspector general at random.

Today’s plan was to check the armory, then pop into the supply depot, and make sure that everything was organized as it should be. As he passed people in the halls, he gave them nods and a few salutes of greeting, but didn’t stop. He had only three hours to work with, and then he absolutely had to leave to get ready for his date with Tam.

As he closed in on the supply depot, he realized the door was ever so slightly cracked, and there were voices coming through it. Angry, sneering voices overlapping a softer voice that pleaded. What the hell?

Coming in closer, he listened hard, his ear practically glued to the door. He needed to get the lay of the land first before jumping in there.
A male voice sneered, “You think we’re okay with fags like you in the ranks? You think it’s okay to look us like that? I don’t want your eyes going above your boots, Sergeant.”

Jakob’s blood started boiling.

In a soft voice, someone responded, voice strained, “Sir, I’ve never looked at anyone inappropriately. I don’t dare on base. Please stop this, you’ve misunderstood—”

“The hell I have, Sergeant. You know what, we don’t fucking need men like you in this army and if you don’t—”

Unable to stand another second of this, Jakob grasped the round door knob and yanked it open. The tableau inside the room froze. It was three men, two lieutenants who had maneuvered a staff sergeant into a corner, the man’s back literally against the metal shelving. The sergeant looked ready to either cry or make a break for it, between a rock and a hard place as he was. His fear racketed up visibly as he took in the sight of Jakob standing framed in the doorway.

For his sake, Jakob gave him a reassuring nod, and his heart broke a little more when the Sergeant looked back at him with confusion, as if he couldn’t possibly understand what that meant.

Jakob’s veins turned molten red with anger as he pinned the two lieutenants with his eyes. “Gentlemen. I overheard part of your conversation. I find it very unfortunate that two officers in our army so casually disregard the laws of this country in order to further their own hatred and bigotry. I find it even more unfortunate that they’ll do that with someone that is a fellow soldier. To say that I am disappointed in both of you is a vast understatement.”
They paled as he snarled the words, immediately stepping back a few feet as if to distance themselves from the situation.

“Both of you are suspended without pay for a week. I’ll investigate both of you and if I’ve discovered that you’ve been abusing other people for their orientations? You best kiss your careers goodbye. I won’t have men in this army that can’t even respect the laws of the land. I don’t care what your personal opinions are, you do not abuse your rank like this.”

They were red in the face from anger and embarrassment but mumbled out something that might have been “Yes, sir.”

“You are to report directly to my office and wait there. I’ll deal with you in a moment.” They both saluted him before stepping carefully around and out the door. Jakob sucked in a deep breath, trying to regain his temper, before turning to the poor sergeant. The man looked back at him with thankful tears in his eyes that didn’t fall, thankfully.

“Thank you, sir,” the sergeant whispered.

“You shouldn’t have to thank me, Sergeant—” Jakob’s eyes went to the name patch on his breast pocket “—Aalto. I want you to come with me, and I want you to list every instance where they’ve cornered you like this. If anyone else has been abusing you, I want their names too. I won’t tolerate this behavior.”

Aalto’s relief transformed into a shark-like smile. “With pleasure, sir.”

“And Sergeant? To make up for this, I’m going to give you an opportunity.” Jakob didn’t think it would go down well for Aalto once the details of this came out. Best to give him the option to make a clean start somewhere else. “You may transfer to any station of your choice, under any officer of your choice, and I’ll make sure it happens.”

Aalto didn’t even need to think about it. “Please and thank you, sir.”

“Then consider it done. Come with me to my office. I’ll have you transferred out in the next three weeks.”

“Yes, sir.”

Jakob turned on his heel and led the way back out, struggling with his temper as he moved. He should probably put Gar on this, have him investigate and mitigate the punishments. Frankly, Jakob didn’t trust himself to be a fair and impartial judge. Not when it came to this.

+ 
 
He tried to put it out of his mind. His fourth date with Tam was tonight, and he didn’t want to carry any of his anger over with him. Jakob had bought tickets to a theater box in the Tandiiran Royal Theater for a production of a Tandiiran fairytale turned musical. Jakob had a weak spot for music of all sorts, musicals especially, and Tam had looked intrigued by the show when he asked him about it on their last date.

The theater here had regular seating along the main floor, but the mezzanine and galley areas had a large couch for each box, with curtains on either side to block the view of the next box’s occupants. It was the perfect blend of public and privacy. Jakob sat on the couch with Tam snuggled into his side as the first act opened and tried to put the past four hours out of his mind.

He managed with limited success.

The curtain closed, signaling the end of act one, and Tam stirred in his arms. “You’re not enjoying this.”

Jakob blew out a breath before turning to look into those rich brown eyes. “Sorry. It’s not the play, the play’s fine. Something happened at work. I’ll let go of it—”

Tam lifted a hand and lightly stilled his words with a touch against his mouth. “Don’t do that. Tell me what’s wrong.”

Something about Tam made him feel like he could say anything, be anything, and it was alright. That he wouldn’t be judged for not fitting some preconceived image. Perhaps it was because of that, the words came out unbidden. “I punished two lieutenants today.”

Tam angled his torso so he could look more directly at him. “What for?”

“They were saying horrible, hateful slurs against a younger sergeant,” he whispered mental eyes returning to that supply room. “I lost my temper just listening to them. I suspended them without pay for a week and told the sergeant that I’d transfer him to any station of his choice, under any commander of his choice, if he wanted. The sergeant had tears in his eyes, he was so hurt and upset, and he promptly thanked me and agreed. And god, I wanted to rip right into those two idiots all over again for abusing their rank like that. But I might have…I might have overdone it. They were homophobes, both of them. It’s what caught my attention, the slurs they were using.”

“And because it felt more personal to you, you think you overreacted?”

Nothing about Tam’s voice indicated censure but still, Jakob felt it. “Yeah.”

“And you’re worried about becoming the bully you’re trying to defeat.”

“Yeah,” he agreed in a year’s worth of sighs.

“That’s hard to judge, sweetheart. But I trust your sense of justice. And if this young man was on the verge of tears, and ready to escape them, then you know that one instance isn’t the only time he’s been ripped into just because of his sexual orientation.”

That was true. Aalto had in fact given him a list of instances that stretched out for months. “So you don’t think it was over the top?”

“No. You just deprived them of money and publicly shut them down. You could have done far worse, correct?”

“True, I could have,” Jakob agreed slowly. And he might still yet. It depended on how badly these two had been acting. Gar was still digging into it when he left.

“Are you really worried about what you did today, or something else?”

That was a very astute question. Tam was full of those. It was part of the reason why Jakob so enjoyed speaking with him. “I think I’m afraid that my temper’s only going to grow shorter. Most of my life, my career, I stayed patient. I kept thinking that things would change. So many people were advocating for same-sex equality, and it looked promising, hopeful, and I just focused on remaining patient. And then it happened, and we got that equality, and I wasn’t naïve enough to think that everyone’s prejudices would vanish overnight, but….”

“But you thought the situation would improve?”

“Yes.” Jakob burrowed in a little more, his hold tightening on Tam. “And now there’s not much hope to cling to. Because we got it, the laws were changed, but how much really changed? I don’t know if I have any patience left to deal with these homophobic idiots. I’m tired of waiting them out.”
Tam was silent for a long moment, his hands once again stroking soothingly along Jakob’ back. “Jakob. I want you to consider something. If you had not been there, what would have happened to that young man?”

He paused, barely breathing for a second as that question crashed through his mind. How many suicides had he seen because of men and women pushed past their limits? Would that young sergeant had been another one? “I don’t know.”

“But because you acted, you do know. I know that you’re tired of fighting this particular battle. I know you want to set your guard down and rest. I don’t blame you.”

Jakob filled in the words he didn’t say. “But what about the other men and women like me, who aren’t straight, who need a superior officer that will protect them. What will happen to them if I leave. Is that what you’re asking?”

“Right now, no one is willing to really make a stand, not that you’ve seen. People are afraid of ruining a career, or being bullied, despite the discrimination laws. I think, dearest, that at this point, you only have one of two paths open to you: fight or flight.”

Jakob drew in a deep breath through his nose, let it out of his mouth, thinking hard. He understood what Tam was so gently saying to him. He knew very well that right now, he hadn’t done much, but if everyone knew that he was gay, wouldn’t it help those under his command? If the officers understood their general was gay, and wouldn’t tolerate homophobic bullshit, wouldn’t they hesitate to let their prejudices out? It may or may not work in his favor.

He still wasn’t quite ready to step fully out of the closet, but at the very least, he could make it clear that he didn’t tolerate homophobia in any form or fashion.

The answer was rather obvious to him. Snorting a laugh, he accused, “You deliberately phrased it that way to make it a challenge to me. You’re trying to make me focus on protecting those that need it, instead of looking out for my own hide.”

“It worked, didn’t it?”

“You are terrifying, Tam.” He lifted a hand to smooth back those soft curls, using any excuse to twine them in his fingers. Tam watched him with a gentle expression, eyes warm. God, he loved it when the man looked at him like that, as if he could move mountains. It made Jakob want to go conquer something. “Alright, you’ve made your point. I’ll have to think of a good, strategic way to do this.”

“Put a rainbow flag up in your office?” Tam suggested in a spurt of mischief.

Rolling his eyes, Jakob objected, “Tam—”

“Oooh, ooh, wear a rainbow bracelet.”

“Tam, seriously?”

“These are perfectly good suggestions, stop dismissing them so hastily.”

“You really are terrifying. Do you know, if our roles were reversed, I’m sure you’d do both of those things?”

“The best way to stand your ground is to quietly put your foot down and let them draw their own conclusions on how far they can push you,” Tam informed him primly. “Don’t draw the line for them. They’ll think you’re not serious and try to push you further. They’re far more likely to be cautious if they don’t know where the line even is.”

That was also very sound advice. Jakob regarded him thoughtfully. “Have you ever considered being a counsellor?”

“Who says I’m not?” Tam retorted, grinning. “But only for very sexy generals.”

Shaking his head, he leaned in to kiss him, their mouths lingering before Jakob retreated. He let his forehead rest against the other man’s and just enjoyed being with him for a moment.

“It’s alright if you want to leave,” Tam said softly. “I don’t mind.”

“No, I want to enjoy the play with you,” Jakob answered honestly. “You’ve put things into perspective for me. I think I can let it go for now. I have plans for you.”

Tam lit up instantly. “Plans? Dinner plans, sexy plans? What are we talking about, here?”
​
“All of those,” Jakob responded, smiling at him. And tonight, come hell or high water, he was going to learn something more about Tam. He had questions he needed answered if they were ever going to be something more to each other than a hired date.